Feature Story Peer Edits

Emmy Burns - Twilight
1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
I...don't really know, your article was super detailed about everything, very descriptive, and answers just about any question there is about the series.

2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
Almost all of your sources seemed to like the series a lot. It could be more interesting if you used a few more sources that didn't like the series and why they didn't. I really liked your lead. Since I don't know a lot about the Twilight series, it made me very interested in learning what it was about and why so many people like it.

3. Does the story contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
A scene? Hmm...I'm not sure where a scene would be needed...maybe in the paragraph where you're talking about the poor special effects, you can give an example from the movie.

4. What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
Maybe you could describe what each of the books are about a little bit more. Otherwise, I think this article was very well-written.


Aaron Butler - Mayan Theory
1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
You could talk about why the Mayan's think the world will end on this day, what's their reasoning?

2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
Maybe a teacher or someone who has studied this theory before.

3. Does the story contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
Not really, I don't know how you could include a scene in this type of article since the Mayan civilization was a long time ago.

4. What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
More information on the civilization, what other predictions they had that came true, etc. Otherwise, good job! This was an interesting topic.